MISSING LINKS

2026  STATISTICS

🏆MISSING LINKS MATCH REPORT — MAY 2026

(Late? Yes. Worth the wait? Absolutely. Unlike certain scorecards, at least we’re being transparent.)

First, an honourable mention to Gaz, who rescued the entire operation by securing us tee times at Lakelands after Ocean Shores drowned under the weight of its own inadequacy. Lakelands’ superior drainage meant we actually had a golf course to play on, rather than something roughly representative of a flooded Okavango Delta with flagsticks.  Well done Gaz – thanks for your quick thinking and booking!!

THE GOLF

At the top, it was a genuine battle. Bill claimed the Mug with a superb 38 stableford points – clean, legitimate, and utterly uncontested. A refreshing change, as it turns out. Mike matched him stroke for stroke, also on 38, but lost out on countback, which is golf’s way of saying you were equal but we needed a winner and it wasn’t you. Commiserations Mike. You were robbed. Legally, this time.

Mark rounds out the podium with a very solid 37 points and deserves every bit of it.

THE BOOM-BOOM HANDICAP AFFAIR – AN HONEST MISUNDERSTANDING. PROBABLY.

Now, in the spirit of fairness, a little context is required here.

Our club operates a penalty handicap system for Mug winners – win the Mug and your handicap drops by 2 the following month, then by 1 the month after, before returning to normal. It’s an elegant leveller that keeps things competitive and stops the same bloke hoisting the Mug every month.

With that in mind, Boom-Boom – a recent Mug winner, and therefore navigating the choppy waters of a reduced handicap – was being scored off 14 when his correct handicap for the month was 12. An easy enough mix-up to make, given the moving parts of the penalty system, and one that Boom-Boom himself may well have genuinely lost track of. These things happen.

The slight wrinkle – and it is only a slight wrinkle – is that when the discrepancy came to light post-round, it turned out Boom-Boom may well have been aware something wasn’t quite adding up but had, shall we say, opted not to interrupt proceedings. His position, a not entirely unreasonable one, was that handicap administration is the handicapper’s domain, not the player’s, and if the number on the card was wrong that was a matter for the relevant authorities to sort out.

The relevant authorities sorted it out once uncovered. His score was corrected from 38 to 36, he was nudged back to 4th, and Mark was restored to a thoroughly deserved 3rd. No hard feelings Boom-Boom – just make sure the card’s right next time and save the post-round paperwork (and controversy!!). 😄

THE KIRBS SITUATION – A SEPARATE BUT EQUALLY RICH CHAPTER

On the 1st fairway, Kirbs produced what he characterised as an accidental contact between club and ball during a practice swing. What the assembled witnesses described it as was a Mulligan – brazen, unannounced, and entirely without precedent in our competitive Mugs.

The story – the ball was poorly dispatched from the fairway in the general direction of the green. And then – and then – rather than retrieve it himself, Kirbs looked around for the most convenient available option and settled on Clint’s six-year-old son Carsten. A child. Deployed. To collect a grown man’s illegitimate golf ball. On the opening fairway of a Mug round.

Carsten, to his enormous credit, obliged. He is six. He didn’t know any better. Kirbs, at considerably more than six, absolutely did.

The universe, to its credit, responded accordingly. After the Mulligan, after the child labour, after what we are told was a somewhat optimistic approach to scorekeeping throughout the rest of the round, Kirbs posted 15 stableford points. Fifteen. That is not a typo.

IN SUMMARY

May 2026 gave us a handicap mix-up that needed post-round correction, a 1st hole Mulligan of extraordinary boldness, a child pressed into involuntary ball retrieval duties, and a podium that required some judicial review before it was finalised. The golf itself – Bill and Mike’s 38s, Mark’s 37 – was genuinely excellent.

Next month: smoother administration, less drama, and if your handicap card looks a bit generous, maybe just mention it before you tee off. The Mug awaits. So does the Fine Master. And so, presumably, does Carsten – older, wiser, and definitely charging a retrieval fee next time. ⛳🏌️

NEXT MUG: Murwillumbah – 14 June. Tee time 8:00am. Be there by 7:30am or risk a fine.